


Psycho Killer

by uv_duv



Series: Hell's Heart [4]
Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Dream Sex, F/M, Face Slapping, Face-Fucking, Fluff, Hypnotism, Love/Hate, M/M, On the Run, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Painplay, Road Trips, Spooning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25654411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uv_duv/pseuds/uv_duv
Summary: Guillermo struggles with whether or not he should leave Nandor. Laszlo is sick of whatever is going on between them and decides to get to the bottom of things by hypnotizing Guillermo.“While Guillermo didn’t want him and Nandor to be a secret, he certainly didn’t want to be revealed like this, puppeteered and taunted. And what if something came out that Guillermo didn’t anticipate? They were at such a knife’s edge…”
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja
Series: Hell's Heart [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845076
Comments: 15
Kudos: 88





	Psycho Killer

Nadja and Laszlo both screamed at Guillermo to shut the fuck up when he slammed the bathroom door on Nandor. Guillermo could hardly see them in the dark of the room but he flipped them off, forming a crucifix with his two middle fingers, relishing their offended hissing. Through the walls, he could hear Nandor yelling, "The fuck was that shit?" and agitated splashing as he tied his shoelaces. Guillermo left the hotel room for the light of day. Where Nandor couldn't follow. None of them could.

In the pale light of the winter sun, Guillermo walked quickly to the far end of the mostly empty parking lot, close to the road, and said, "God fucking damn it," with a broken voice to no one in particular. He pushed his wet hair out of his eyes and flexed his hands. With every breath, he returned to himself a little more. Then he decided to leave. 

Surveying the parking lot, he cursed under his breath when he remembered that Colin Robinson had the van. He felt profoundly trapped. In the most immediate sense, he was stuck without the van. Would an Uber even come out here? And then he'd… what, fly home from Georgia? Rent another car without returning the van? The van was under his name, too. And go home to what? Going home would only put his mom in danger and he had no one else. Except Nandor, as fucked as it was. 

He walked into the woods.

_ God, Nandor _ . Guillermo knew keenly that he was trapped in a scheme that yet again gave Nandor all the control for a distant promise that someday they would be equals. Writhing under Nandor's teases, addicted to the scraps he threw him, being pulled along a leash in their game…  _ What had really changed in the last week compared to the last ten years? _

_But then…_ Nandor listened to him in the tub. He offered to help him find other vampires to kill. And he bopped his nose and sat with him while he ate and let him kiss him and kissed him back… _God_ _that first kiss…_

He curled his hands into fists and clenched his teeth in frustration at himself, at Nandor too. That things could be so good and so bad at the same time. He paused, gazing at the running water of a creek. He sat on a tree stump, meditating on the water and his life.

\-----

After a few more hours, he returned to the room. He navigated the darkness with the dim illumination of his phone light leaking through his fingers.

Nandor was laying on his side, the pillow he normally held over his face torn to shreds on the floor, clutching the sleep shirt that Guillermo had stolen from him.

\-----

Guillermo climbed in on the other side of the wall of capes, facing away from Nandor, and was so drained that he fell asleep quickly.

_ The orange light of the candles he arranged in the bathroom bathed everything. The black, red, and gold crepe paper were waterfalls of color fluttering from the shower curtain rod. Guillermo was alone in the water. He felt calm.  _

_ Hands messaged his head. There was a presence behind him. The hands washed his hair. Rinsed his hair with cupped palms of water. Continued stroking his clean wet hair. It felt so good.  _

_ Nandor’s voice rumbled, “I am yours. Anything that you want…” _

_ Was this how it happened? Guillermo distantly remembered that it didn’t go this way. Right? That he wanted it to go this way. But something happened… What had happened? He couldn’t remember. _

_ He turned around to face Nandor, but Nandor was somehow still behind him. All he saw was oily empty water. He turned again, and again, getting frustrated and trying to grab at something of Nandor, his hair or his arm and coming up empty-handed. He knocked a candle into the water trying to catch Nandor. All of the candles went out at once. In the absolute blackness, he reached out a hand and felt a cape. It blocked the light from a fire, the very edges lit in an outline of brilliant gold. The light would be too bright to look at directly. He stood and felt the stakes in his trench coat, his fingers tightening over one as he prepared to strike.  _

_ He was falling blindly through the darkness. He was falling and scrambling for anything to hold on to and screaming for Nandor. He landed on a coffin that was covered with a cape. He could feel the engravings of Nandor’s coffin through the thick fabric. A flutter of a curtain sent a bar of harsh sunlight across the surface, briefly blinding Guillermo. He had a crowbar.  _

_ Nandor was on the ground, bleeding and broken and illuminated by harsh light. Guillermo wrenched him up by the hair and staked him through the chest. _

_ Guillermo had Nandor pinned to a dark wood door, flames licking out the edges as he alternately kissed and bit him hard. He had thin silver necklaces wrapped in his hands and burned Nandor with every touch. His hands draped down Nandor’s bare chest, grasped hungrily at his sides, his hips, his thighs as he slunk down Nandor’s body slowly, dragging kisses and bites and burns with him. Nandor’s deep moans were reverberating under Guillermo's hands and open mouth. Guillermo nuzzled his face into Nandor’s crotch, mouthing lightly at his balls, at his hardening cock. Nandor’s hands were in his hair. He was panting things Guillermo couldn’t hear, couldn’t understand. Another language? The necklaces melted away. Guillermo took Nandor’s cock in his hand, stroked up and down slowly, took his head in his mouth loosely. He swirled his tongue and brushed his lips against it, teasing him. Nandor was groaning against the door. Guillermo looked up at him from under his glasses, licked a long slow wet line up his shaft, opened wider, took him a little deeper into his mouth, and Nandor looked down at him in total pleasure from under half-hooded eyes.  _

_ Guillermo sucked in rhythm with his hand. His other hand was stroking Nandor’s chest and stomach, wrapping around and pulling him closer. Taking him deeper. Nandor’s knees started to buckle and the door collapsed. They both fell forward, Guillermo straddling Nandor now. Guillermo saw that the door they were on top of was Nandor’s coffin. They were surrounded by a ring of tall flames that undulated slowly in the darkness. There was nothing else. Guillermo heaved Nandor up and put Nandor’s hands on his hips, pulled his hair, ground into him as the flames illuminated both of them. Nandor looked so beautiful like this. Then Guillermo kissed and bit his neck and pushed him back down hard. Guillermo's crucifix necklace branded Nandor's chest above his heart.  _

_ Scratching down Nandor’s body, Guillermo drew blood in thin red lines. His mouth was back around Nandor’s cock. Nandor’s hand gripped the back of his head. Nandor’s entire body shuddered as he bounced Guillermo’s head up and down, his thick cock choking him. Tears streamed down Guillermo’s face. Guillermo felt electric, gave himself to it, to Nandor. Anything to make Nandor feel this good... Guillermo looked up and revelled in Nandor’s expression, his open mouth, the incredible pleasure evident on his face, the way his eyes screwed shut, the way he was screaming Guillermo Guillermo Guillermo... _

_ Guillermo swatted Nandor’s hand away and stopped sucking just before Nandor was going to come down his throat. Nandor gasped, almost in pain from the denial. _

_ Hands stroked Guillermo’s hair... _

_ \-----  _

Nandor was spooning him. Guillermo felt a swell of rage at his touch that was contradicted by his erection. 

"Aren't you concerned you'll get caught?" Guillermo whispered angrily, mad at himself for dreaming those dreams and still being hopelessly caught in Nandor’s trap, both literally and figuratively. It was impossible not to notice that Nandor was also hard.

"I'll just say you had a nightmare and could not be consoled any other way," Nandor said easily, running his fingers through Guillermo's hair. It did feel really good. Guillermo considered having nightmares every night.

"Even though I'm repulsive to you?" 

"Those were lies. You have never been repulsive to me," he nudged his hips against Guillermo, "...Wellll, okay, maybe back when you had the really long hair. Did not suit you at all," Nandor nuzzled the back of Guillermo's head. Nandor wasn't wrong about his teenage hair.

"How often have you lied to me?"

"I could ask the same. Probably for the same reasons, though," Nandor softly kissed the nape of his neck. 

"I really don't like this," Guillermo said, sighing. Nandor immediately let go of him and started to move away. 

"No, come back, don't stop," Guillermo reached for Nandor's hands. He went back to stroking his hair.

"I just mean... Having to hide it. The way you don't look at me in the car. You won't even sit next to me. It sucks and I don't like it," Guillermo sighed again. "And I really don't like when I tell you secrets and then you immediately blurt them out _ , _ " he growled.  _ To fucking Laszlo. _

"I know. I am sorry, Guillermo."

_ Holy shit.  _

_ Was this a dream? _

"I'm still mad."

"I understand. I am still sorry that it has to be this way," Nandor said, hugging him tightly with both arms.

"Did I say you could stop?" 

Nandor grumbled, "I suppose not…" and went back to stroking his hair.

When Guillermo woke up again, he was alone and still unsure if that conversation had actually happened. There was nothing in Nandor’s behavior that indicated that it had.

_ \----- _

When Guillermo came out to the van, Nandor still insisted that Guillermo sit away from him. Guillermo felt like a cat that had been rubbed backwards and was gearing up to scratch back, but then Colin Robinson seized the obvious opportunity to make things worse and made Guillermo sit in the middle since he had the last few times. Nandor grimaced but allowed it. Guillermo buckled himself in and glared at him coldly. Nandor looked away. It had started to rain. Guillermo sat in silence, listening to the pitter patter of the drops pelting the van, listing all of Nandor’s sins in his head while Nadja and Laszlo debated whether they could drop in an old acquaintance. They decided not to risk it. 

They were making steady progress back to the highway when Colin Robinson asked, "Where to, my compadres?" Guillermo would never get used to the nasally phonetic way that Colin Robinson pronounced all Spanish words and assumed that was why he sprinkled them in his speech.

"We were thinking Mississippi," Nadja said, tapping at the GPS screen fruitlessly. 

"Guillermo, if it isn't too much to ask, could you please put Mississippi into the digital navigation device for my good lady wife?" Laszlo asked, pronouncing digital with a hard "g". 

_ You’re awfully nice to me now,  _ Guillermo thought, certain that it stemmed from Laszlo being terrified of him. Guillermo angled forward through the center console to reach the GPS. As he was leaning back into his seat, Colin Robinson yelled, "Whoa, Laszlo! What is that?!" pointing out the windshield in alarm. 

Laszlo swerved and tapped the brakes, "What's what?!"

Guillermo got knocked off balance and crashed into Nandor, who immediately reacted like he was electrocuted. Guillermo's temper flared dangerously, but before he could say anything, Nandor shoved him back into his seat, murmuring, "Careful," under his breath darkly. Guillermo shoved him back and glowered at him. Nandor almost tore the seatbelt out of its socket when he put it back on for Guillermo. 

"Just thought I saw something," said Colin Robinson. Guillermo swore he caught the blue gleam in the dark. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes; he was so tired. Nandor's shoulder might as well have been morphine.

_ Dark music played in a massive baroque ballroom lit only with warm liquid orange candlelight. Heavy green curtains pouring from the high ceiling to the polished parquet floor blocked out any hint of sunlight. Guillermo was spinning slowly, stepping along to the triple time of a waltz. He turned his head, his vision of the room and all of the other vampires streaking like a watercolor, and refocused on Nandor's face. It clicked that he was waltzing with Nandor.  _

_ Guillermo couldn't help his building excitement. Nandor looked incredible. His jet black cape with gold thread trim never seemed to trip any of the other dancers, let alone themselves. Round and round they danced, Nandor leading Guillermo perfectly in time with the music; Nandor stupidly beautiful and Guillermo's heart swelling with pure happiness.  _

_ Nandor tugged him close, his hand on the small of his back. He nested his head in the crook of his neck, brushing Guillermo's cheek with his beard. Guillermo wrapped his arm around Nandor, breathing deeply. He knew distantly that this couldn't be real, maybe couldn't ever be real, but sunk into it regardless, enjoying it as much as he could, for however long it would last.  _

_ The room streaked past him again. He was falling. Guillermo gripped Nandor's shoulders with white knuckles as Nandor dipped him. He held Guillermo there, smiling devilishly, warm light playing across his face and his fangs practically gleaming. Nandor reeled him back, holding Guillermo close like before. "My Guillermo… I promise I will never drop you again," Nandor said sweetly into his ear. The words wrapped around his heart. _

_ Guillermo sighed contentedly and let himself be carried along by Nandor for a little longer. The music changed to something sadder. He caught his reflection in a large ornate mirror. The room was empty and decrepit; Guillermo held nothing but empty air. Completely alone. His heart sunk. He turned back to Nandor for reassurance but something was terribly wrong. Blood dripped from his eyes. Nandor's face was blank and then gradually overtaken by shock. Guillermo felt a warm wetness spread over his chest. Looking down, he saw blood blooming over a stake going through both his and Nandor's hearts. Panicking, Guillermo reached for Nandor's face, to wipe away the blood, to reignite the quickly dimming embers of Nandor’s eyes. Pure devastation overtook Guillermo as he collapsed to the floor with helpless cries of Nandor, Nandor, Nandor, no, no, no… _

Guillermo was jolted awake by the sensation of the van violently accelerating and Nadja screaming at the top of her lungs. Nandor's arm was across his chest, Nandor's hand clutching over his heart.

"Whoooo!! I'm hauling so much ass!" she pumped her fists into the air and laughed maniacally. 

"My darkest darling, you do have to remember to steer," Laszlo reminded her, his hand on the wheel and preventing her from running them off the highway on a curve. It was raining much harder and the van was skidding.

"Nadja!" Nandor yelled furiously, "You woke Guillermo!" 

“So what? If he was going to kill us, he would've done it by now,” Nadja sped even faster, water pummeling the windshield. 

"Darling, maybe a touch slow--" Laszlo was interrupted again by Nandor.

“He will be cranky! I am revoking your driving privileges!” 

Nandor had had enough. Guillermo saw Nandor bare his teeth at Nadja and then wave his hand a particular way. Immediately, her sleeve caught fire. Laszlo yelled at Nandor to keep his shit together, but was too distracted by steering to do much else. 

"Nandor, did you just set me ablaze? I can’t believe--you set me ablaze! You gigantic shit stain!" Nadja thankfully slowed down to open the window and put herself out in the rain, Laszlo still steering the van. 

"Let me drive!" Nandor yelled, pounding his fists on the driver's seat.

"No! Wait your turn!" Nadja shooed Laszlo's hands away and sped up again. Laszlo batted away Nandor’s arms, yelling at him to calm down. Nadja’s opposite shoulder burst into flames, bigger than before. The smoke and the smell of old burning fabric made Guillermo's eyes sting. He gripped Nandor’s arm and the bottom of his own seat to steady himself, his legs bracing against the center console.

"I will keep lighting you on fire until you pull over, Nadja!"

"Bring it you flaming bag of asshole!"

"It'll be your hair next!"

"Ach! Fine! Hnnng!" Nadja screeched and slammed on the brakes again. Laszlo was patting her shoulder to put the fire out and shot daggers at Nandor. Colin Robinson was sitting up as straight as a rod, eyes glowing blue but with enough propriety to keep his mouth closed. Nandor got out of the car and pulled Guillermo out with him, so fast that Guillermo hadn't even seen him undo his seat belt. Nandor wrenched the driver's door open, "Out with you, speed demon!" Nadja hissed at Nandor and crawled into the back.

"And you as well, Laszlo. I need Guillermo up front, as my gunshot," Nandor said in a more measured tone, gesturing to the back seat.

"Fine, you massive dickhead. Set Nadja on fire again and I'll…" Laszlo narrowed his eyes at Guillermo first, then at Nandor. He shook his fist at him angrily. 

"Punch me? Oh no," Nandor said in an unimpressed monotone. "Guillermo, get in."

Guillermo rolled his eyes at him, his vision hopelessly warped by the rain on his glasses, but got in anyway. This was still preferable to Nadja driving. 

"Guillermo, show me how to operate this metal wheeled box," Nandor commanded in his old voice, both hands on the wheel.  _ That’s not going to fly. _

"I'm sorry, Nandor, I didn't catch that," Guillermo said flatly, maintaining arch eye contact, as he wiped his glasses. Just saying Nandor’s name in front of the others was a small jab in their back and forth. Nandor waited for Guillermo to put his glasses back on before he looked at him with an expression that said "really", but Guillermo didn't budge. Nandor rolled his eyes at him and sighed loudly.

"Guillermo, would you please teach me how to drive?" Nandor asked more politely. 

"Yes, Nandor," Guillermo said again with a smirk.  _ Much better. _

Satisfied, Guillermo showed Nandor how to start the van and how the GPS navigation worked. Once the car got started and Guillermo explained turn signals, windshield wipers, and a few other random buttons that Nandor was curious about ("Ooo ack" he said, meaning AC. He jammed the knob to the highest setting and let it blow through his hair), Nandor actually turned out to be an excellent driver. He went exactly the speed limit and always checked his blind spot. 

Colin Robinson noticed as well. "Nandor, you're doing a great job for a septuacentennial. I’m impressed. Is this at all similar to driving a chariot into battle?"

Nadja and Laszlo both groaned as Nandor launched into an endless story about his great skill as a chariot driver and the many many peasants he crushed like grapes under its wheels. Guillermo smiled to himself and watched the water droplets streak by on the window.

\-----

Unfortunately Guillermo had turned the GPS voice guidance off and taken a nap, so he didn't notice that Nandor had deviated from the directions. It wasn’t until Guillermo’s phone alarm signalling 30 minutes to sunrise went off that he woke up and realized that they were so far off course that they were actually in Tennessee. They should have been safely situated at the next motel at least two hours earlier.  _ Shit. _

"Nandor… have you been checking that the letters next to the freeway numbers match the GPS?" Guillermo asked cautiously, silencing the alarm on his phone.

"What letters?" 

"Oh no," Guillermo covered his face with his hands. 

“So, correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems Nandor has been driving aimlessly at exactly the speed limit and now you all have less than half an hour to sunrise and no shelter in sight,” Colin Robinson said helpfully.

Guillermo didn’t say anything, but sighed deeply and moaned, which confirmed the situation.

Nadja and Laszlo both started screaming at Nandor, phrases like "You illiterate fucking kindergartener!" and "You've killed us all you dunderheaded jackass!" 

Nandor was utterly dejected. "Guillermo, what do we do?!" he asked, his voice rising. 

Guillermo looked at Nandor and swallowed. He couldn’t actually imagine Nandor dying. The thought was utterly terrifying. "We could try to park under a bridge?"

"I'm afraid that won't be dark enough, boy. We might just be fucked," Laszlo said. The earlier deference in his tone was gone.

"What if you guys turned into bats? Colin Robinson could drive the rest of the way, and then we can smuggle you guys inside like we did at the well," Guillermo suggested desperately.

"We did not pack the bat box," Nadja said, deflated.

"You could hide in my jacket…?" Guillermo volunteered hesitantly.

Laszlo immediately retorted, "That is a ludicrous idea that I cannot condone. Notwithstanding the humiliation, even the slightest hole, gap, or your coat catching on an errant doorknob or fence post would doom us all. Poof!” Laszlo did jazz hands, “Bat bacon." 

_ Hail Mary, full of grace…  _ "Okay, we drive into the woods and you guys sleep inside of a tree? Does that work?"

There were a few seconds of murmuring and then a chorus of agreement from the vampires. Guillermo reprogrammed the GPS and found another tiny town surrounded by forests that would be off the next highway exit. He sunk in his seat and directed Nandor’s every turn, counting down the minutes to sunrise.

\-----

Guillermo was watching the sunrise with Colin Robinson perched on top of the van, which they parked in a graveyard on the edge of town. It had stopped raining. The vampires were holed up in a tree deeper in the woods, sleeping in their bat forms. 

“It is pretty,” Colin Robinson said, almost to himself. Guillermo exhaled deeply.  _ He wasn’t wrong. _

"I've always liked sunrises. They feel like a secret," Guillermo said. He wasn’t sure why he said it.

"Oh. I meant the graveyard." Guillermo shifted uncomfortably, totally unsurprised that Colin Robinson meant the graveyard but also at a loss for what to say. Colin Robinson spoke again.

"Speaking of secrets that aren’t really secrets...How are you and Nandor doing? Very strange energy from you two."

Guillermo stiffened. 

"Still working things out." He did not elaborate further.

“Well,” Colin Robinson scooted off of the van roof and onto the ground, “I need to eat, so I’m going to take the van again. Best of luck, G-man." 

\-----

Guillermo took his trench coat and duffle bag into the woods with him. Just in case. He managed some decent sleep, a stake under his arm, more stakes in his coat, and using the duffle bag as a sort of seat, propping him up against the tree trunk the vampires were slumbering inside of.

Guillermo woke up to the sound of hissing and billowing flames through the trees. 

“He is not involved!” Nandor roared.

“Should have thought of that before you set my wife on fire! Fucking near killed us all!” Laszlo roared back. 

“Laszlo, please! Just set him on fire and be done with it!” Nadja yelled. 

Guillermo rubbed the sleep from his eyes and ambled towards them. Putting his glasses back on, a large bonfire and three screaming vampires came into focus. Colin Robinson was standing and watching from a greater distance in the clearing, almost lost in the dark of the forest. Nandor and Laszlo were in the air, hissing and scratching at each other, when Laszlo was suddenly much too close to Guillermo, his face silhouetted by the raging fire behind him. Guillermo took a step back but Laszlo flexed his hands, “Drop that stake.”

Guillermo felt his fingers unclench despite his every effort to grip the stake. It clattered to the cold ground. He moved his legs to run but was locked in place by Laszlo clucking, “Oh no no no.” Guillermo shut his eyes and tried to focus on the crackling flames instead of Laszlo’s voice, to no avail. 

“Nandor, I know you are truly terrible at hypnotism, but I can try to intervene,” Nadja offered.

“Thank you, Nadja, but… I don’t want to risk scrambling Guillermo,” Nandor said plaintively. 

Guillermo couldn’t open his mouth to ask what was going on, but he did not like what he could appraise of the situation. He could feel panic rising in his chest.  _ This was bad. _

“Guillermo, do as I command. Explain what is going on between you and Nandor,” Laszlo bellowed melodically, pointing at each of them in turn. Nandor ran over and tried to put his hands over Guillermo’s mouth, but Laszlo pushed him away and threatened to scramble Guillermo if he tried any shit like that again.

“I don’t know,” Guillermo felt himself say. It was the worst feeling. Nandor’s eyes darted between him and Laszlo.

“How can you not--?” Laszlo shook his head and cleared his throat, “What do you and Nandor do in the bathroom together?”

“Nothing that I want,” Guillermo droned again automatically, looking at Nandor with a withering expression.

“I see what this is. You go around murdering a handful of vampires, a family or two, and think you're a real slayer. You think you can resist me then, Mr. Van Helsing?” Nadja and Colin Robinson both reacted, but Guillermo couldn’t hear them over Laszlo.

“Guess again you little psycho,” Laszlo twisted his hand clockwise in the air and Guillermo felt a cold hand wrap around his spinal cord between his shoulders with a vice-like grip. 

“Guillermo de la Cruz, Guillerno Van Helsing, whoever the fuck you are, heed my words,” Laszlo said, as though he had any kind of choice, “Share your heart’s deepest desire.” Laszlo had a shit eating grin smeared on his face.

“Laszlo! I am apologizing, okay! I’m sorry I lit Nadja on fire because she was driving like a maniac! This is not fair, he does not want this!” Nandor pleaded, waving his hands in the air frantically. 

“Oh but by definition, he does,” Laszlo retaliated.

Guillermo sprinted away through the trees towards the van. He was unfathomably relieved that apparently his heart’s deepest desire was to get the fuck out of this situation. “Ah,” Laszlo appeared again, too quickly, clearing his throat, “Let me clarify. Share your heart’s deepest desire… as it relates to Nandor.” Another twist of Laszlo’s hand and Guillermo felt a second freezing fist around his heart.

_ Oh fuck. Dios ten piedad de mí un pecador. _

__

Nandor mumbled "oh shit" and shuffled away from him, back to the bonfire. Guillermo fought the movement of his legs with every ounce of his will power, but they betrayed him, chasing down Nandor. Guillermo caught him and gripped his hand. They were squarely in front of the watchful eyes of the others. Nandor flinched his hand out of Guillermo’s grasp, gripped his own cape instead, and looked vaguely ill, gazing somewhere beyond Guillermo. While Guillermo didn’t want him and Nandor to be a secret, he certainly didn’t want to be revealed like this, puppeteered and taunted by  _ fucking Laszlo _ . And what if something came out that Guillermo didn’t anticipate? That neither of them were prepared for? They were at such a knife’s edge as it was.  _ This could ruin everything. _ Guillermo’s mouth opened and his tongue started to move. Nandor went slack jawed, his eyes boring into Guillemo’s as he began to speak. The fire cast strange undulating shadows across their faces, the orange light reflected in Nandor’s eyes. 

They were both trapped by this, somehow. Guillermo couldn’t move his fingers to rip his own tongue out. He couldn’t make a fist to stick into his mouth. He couldn’t wrap his hands around his neck to strangle himself. He certainly couldn’t dig under his ribs and tear out his lungs. Nandor could do all of these things, but didn’t. Only stared in horror. Sweat dripped from Guillermo’s forehead and his heart jackhammered out of his chest. The moment was nothing and infinite. He had no idea what he would say except that it would be terrible and witnessed by three gawking assholes that he increasingly considered murdering.  _ At least I would live up to my name. _

“I want--” Guillermo whispered. 

“Louder!” Laszlo commanded. Time seemed to grind to a painfully slow crawl.

Guillermo screamed at the top of his lungs,

“I 

WANT 

TO 

F--!”

Nandor made a curdling noise, looking past Guillermo to Laszlo, Nadja, and Colin Robinson. He recoiled from Guillermo, his mouth twisting into a grimace and putting his hands up to shield his face.

“--UCKING 

KILL 

YOU!” 

After a few seconds of stunned silence only punctuated by crackling flames, Nadja gasped. Nandor simply said, “Oh. Ah,” his shoulders slumping down.  _ Oh my God,  _ Guillermo thought with so much shame and guilt slithering in his stomach he thought he was going to be sick. __

Laszlo wasn’t done. “No more words, Guillermo. Do keep going. Should be entertaining,” he cackled. 

Guillermo thought he might actually kill Laszlo for this. His mouth slammed shut. His right hand closed around an imaginary object and Guillermo stabbed it into Nandor’s chest. Nandor said nothing, just looked at Guillermo’s hand clenched over his heart impassively. Then Guillermo stood back, waved his arms in an “x” shape in front of Nandor and flipped his hair, walking away from Nandor dramatically. But before too long, Guillermo turned on his heels, running back to Nandor. Nandor looked very confused and may as well have been rooted to the ground. Guillermo turned around, two invisible stakes in each hand, circling around Nandor, stabbing imaginary enemies.

“Aw, he wants to protect him too. That is sweet,” Nadja said.

“Kill him, leave him, and protect him,” Colin Robinson said sarcastically.

“Very relatable,” Nadja nodded.

Guillermo spun back around to Nandor again and stroked his long black hair slowly. Guillermo's face was beet red. 

“And here we are, at fucking last,” Laszlo said mockingly.

Nandor flinched away and Guillermo slapped him hard. His red handprint appeared on Nandor’s pale cheek. Nandor lifted a hand to the imprint on his face and turned to Guillermo, his eyes lit with shocked rage, but he softened when Guillermo looked up at him, communicating utter sorrow and desperation as best he could. Guillermo planted his head on his broad chest and hugged him.  _ Please remember that I can’t control this. _

“I genuinely don’t know what to make of that,” Laszlo said, perplexed.

“In a way, this is quite moving,” Nadja said.

Guillermo swept Nandor’s legs out from under him and he fell on his back with a loud, “Ah the fuck!” Guillermo immediately straddled him, Nandor muttering “oh no”, Laszlo wolf whistling and snickering. Nadja whacked Laszlo and yelled at him to shut the fuck up, it was getting good. Guillermo’s entire face was on fire. If his body weren’t under the thrall of a total asshole, he would collapse into a crumpled ball of pure embarrassment. He grabbed Nandor’s hands out of the grass and placed them on his hips, arching his back, parting his lips in an expression of pleasure, and looking down at Nandor’s mortified face from his glasses. Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin Robinson were all hollering things that Guillermo didn’t have the capacity to process, his mind an enraged and humiliated swarm of bees. 

Guillermo’s body slumped and his facial expression relaxed, but his hands slowly slid up Nandor’s stomach and chest and wrapped around his neck. Although they didn’t exert any pressure, Nandor was holding his breath anyway. After a second, he put his hands around Guillermo’s arms, as a precaution.

“Okay, so… is Guillermo just kinky or is this another 'murder Nandor' scenario? Even I can't tell,” Colin Robinson asked bluntly.

“It’s really quite ambiguous,” Nadja responded with the air of an art critic, “It adds to the integrity of the work.”

Guillermo got to his feet and pulled Nandor up from the ground. His strength continued to surprise him. He placed Nandor’s right hand on his hip, grabbed Nandor’s left hand, and settled his other hand on Nandor’s shoulder. All in all, Guillermo arranged them to dance. Nandor didn’t flinch away this time, intertwining his fingers in Guillermo's. He didn’t resist when Guillermo began to waltz, but followed his steps and then eventually took the lead. Nandor let himself smile subtly. Guillermo realized that he had a small smile on his face too. He still wished this were happening in vastly different circumstances. But he did let himself enjoy it a little. If it had to happen anyway.  _ Nandor was beautiful... _ They waltzed around the fire, to their own slow beat, in steady arcs, under a clear night sky in Tennessee. 

Then Nandor dipped Guillermo.

Then Nandor pulled him close and whispered, “I really won’t ever drop you again.”

_ What..?  _

Guillermo felt something inside of him creak, crack, and shatter. _ What? _ Alarm bells blared in his mind.  _ How long have you... _ He made a noise similar to a tea kettle, growing steadily louder and louder.  _ When were you... _ Nandor frowned at him in concern but didn’t let him go, held him tighter.  _ How could you... _ Laszlo, Nadja, and Colin Robinson caught up to them, no doubt to see how and why Guillermo was finally boiling over.

“Is he going to explode? He seemed happy?” Nadja said to Colin Robinson again. He shrugged at her. 

“Nandor, what have you been doing to this poor wreck? What more could there still be?” Laszlo asked.

Nandor was going to respond to Laszlo when Guillermo finally sputtered, “Excuse me?! What the fuck did you just say?” to Nandor with a look so cutting that it could split a block of marble in half. 

"Well I'll be fucked, he broke out of it," Laszlo said, impressed.

Nandor released Guillermo like he was a hot pan handle. His mouth opened and closed but no words came out. 

Guillermo rounded on him, saying, “I know exactly what you said. Don’t bullshit me!” 

Nandor looked terrified, huddled under his own cape. Guillermo yelled louder than he remembered ever yelling in his life, “Did you make me dream that?!” 

It echoed through the woods surrounding them. Laszlo ran. Nadja and Colin Robinson stood, like transfixed bystanders watching a dumpster fire.

“No!” Nandor stated with utter conviction, standing taller.

“Have you ever changed my dreams?”

“Uh…” Nandor stated with absolutely no conviction, pulling his cape around himself again.

“Guillermo, he would have to be right next to you. When would that be possible?” Nadja said, maybe now realizing the gravity of Guillermo's wrath.

Guillermo whipped towards Nadja and growled “Stop talking or I will actually kill all of you,” without a trace of mercy or hesitation. Framed in the light of the bonfire and with his trench coat, Guillermo knew his threat was believable.

“You know what, everyone fuck off. Go back to the van, now,” Guillermo commanded. Nandor started to slink away.

“Not. You.” Guillermo said with an icy cold gravity.

Nadja and Colin Robinson scattered away. Once Guillermo knew they were gone, he turned back to Nandor. 

“Nandor. I’m very, very upset right now,” Guillermo said. He could feel waves of pitch black cold fury radiate from his entire body, even the way he spoke. 

“I can see that…” Nandor said, stepping backwards, his hands in front of him warily. Guillermo was holding a stake. Guillermo was holding two stakes. He tightened his grip around them.

“Could we, maybe, put the stakes down?”

“I don’t know Nandor, can you be honest with me if I’m not threatening you?” Guillermo said, stepping forwards.

Nandor appeared behind Guillermo and tried to crush both of his wrists to force his hands open. Guillermo didn’t even think, he pulled Nandor over himself and slammed him on the ground. He was straddling him again. Both stakes were at Nandor’s heart. 

“Please Guillermo…” 

Guillermo drove the stakes through Nandor’s sleeves to pin his hands to the ground. Nandor could pull them out, Guillermo knew, but he didn’t move.

“I’m going to ask you some questions and how you answer might… might change things,” Guillermo said quietly. Nandor nodded solemnly. 

Guillermo closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. His mind was whirling at a million miles a minute, pulling up mental footage from a decade of sundry dreams and wondering if any of them were real in the first place, if Nandor had been taking advantage of him potentially even at 19, fucking 19 years old, or if everything he endured for Nandor was built on a fabricated crush he planted in his mind to keep him indentured.  _ Was any of this real? _

He decided to start with easier questions.

“Did you make me dream that we were waltzing together, back in the van?”

“No. But it was a nice dream. Until Nadja ruined it,” Nandor frowned.

“Nadja? Did she change my dream?” Guillermo was confused.

“No, I just mean that she woke you up and made your brain think you were in danger. So it made some danger for you. You have a pretty fucked up subconscious, Guillermo.”

“Have you been spying on all of my dreams, then?” Guillermo snapped.

“No, Nadja wasn’t lying. I really do have to be right next to you to see.”

Guillermo immediately thought of his sex dream from earlier that day and blushed, which Nandor correctly picked up on. 

“So you saw all of that then.”

“Yes,” Nandor chuckled, “We could do that sometime, you know...” Nandor raised his eyebrows suggestively and pulsed his hips underneath Guillermo. Guillermo glared at him harshly.

“And you didn’t make me dream that either?”

“All you, Guillermo. Imagine my surprise. And my delight,” Nandor smiled seductively.

“Okay.” Guillermo relaxed slightly. He took a deep breath, steadying himself for the next question.

“Have you…” Guillermo took another deep breath, “have you ever made me…” Guillermo swallowed.  _ Why was this so hard to say?  _ Luckily Nandor pieced together what Guillermo was driving at.

“Hey hey hey, no, I am not some dream crawling creeper, Guillermo! I have only ever observed or comforted. I promise you,” Nandor said, ripping up the stakes and placing his hands on Guillermo’s thighs, “Your dreams are your own.”

“‘Comforted’?” Guillermo looked down at Nandor with a hard stare.

“Not like that, yeesh. Just nightmares. Like Topher eating you.”

“Right. Okay. But I still had nightmares like that.”

“Just like watching, I have to touch you to do anything about them. I’m not always around.”

“Well wait so… How do you know I’m having a nightmare then? Do you just… touch me when I’m sleeping?”  _ What the fuck?  _ Guillermo started tensing again.

Nandor sighed.

“...You are not going to like this answer, Guillermo. I’d rather not say,” Nandor retracted his hands and reflexively pulled on his own fingers. It was a nervous habit that Guillermo noticed years ago.

“You had better say.”

“Some dreams are… louder… than others?” Nandor said, his mouth open in an awkward grimace, seemingly hoping that would suffice as an explanation.

“Louder, how?” Guillermo had his suspicions but had to know for sure.

“Must I really?”

“Yes.”

Nandor sighed again. “When you call my name in your dreams, I can hear that. From anywhere. Through the ether. Soooo…” Nandor shifted his gaze to the dying bonfire.

_ Oh fuck me.  _ Guillermo flashed back to screaming Nandor's name in a stupefying cornucopia of pornographic dream sequences and wanted to die of retroactive embarrassment. 

“So you’ve known... literally... the entire time,” Guillermo said, staring at his own hands. 

Now Guillermo thought back to their real past. Remembering over a decade of strained and sexually charged moments between them. Of Nandor snapping any time Guillermo made subtext into text. Guillermo scraped his hands back through his hair, as if he could iron out his frustration with the vampire beneath him.

“Y-yeah,” Nandor said sheepishly, “But uh, you know, again, Nadja is not lying. I can only see if I’m right next to you.”

“That really doesn’t make it better!”

“From the sounds of things it should,” Nandor said jokingly, wagging his eyebrows up and smirking.

“I fucking hate you.”

“I just endured an entire interpretive dance about it, Guillermo, I know.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The guiding principle of my writing is "How can I make Guillermo's life worse?" 
> 
> I am not a native Spanish speaker, but I was aiming for "Dios ten piedad de mí un pecador" to mean "God have mercy on me a sinner".
> 
> The song "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads is a popular choice in this fandom for a good reason.
> 
> Right now, I'm thinking there will be two parts after this with the possibility of an epilogue. Thanks for reading and for awesome comments! :)


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